Peonies are beautiful...

[my music: Foolish Games ~ Jewel]

First of all, a poem by Jewel titled So Just Kiss Me

So just kiss me and let my hair
messy itself in your fingers

tell me nothing needs to be done--
no clocks need winding

there is no bell without a voice
needing to borrow my own

instead, let me steady myself
in the arms

of a man who won't ask me to be
what he needs, but lets me exist

as i am

a blonde flame
a hurricane

wrapped up
in a tiny body

that will come to his arms
like the safest harbor

for mending

That is what i want, I want to be as I am and for a guy to just accept me for that and not make demands on my character. One of my greatest fears ever since i was a little girl was that I was going to die alone. As a child, most females spend their time dressing up like brides and fantasizing about marrying prince phillip from sleeping beauty... but not this girl. By age 7 i found myself lying awake at night fearing that i was never going to find someone to grow old with. I thought that I never was going to get the white dress, big flowers, shiny diamond ring ((not that i want a diamond engagement ring. it's all about the pink sapphires ;))). I'm awkward. I dont know why I thought like that when i was that little. Now in my life I am beginning to think that I have a character that it will never be difficult for me to figure out who is just simply not cut out for the task of being the man i will love forever. i'm too intense for most guys. I'm all over the place, I'm random, I'm messy, I'm selfish and a little jealous, I'm protective and territorial, and most guys hate that. And the guys who cannot handle that and find it so easy to just leave me clearly are not the one i'm looking for. So despite the fact that my love life is in shambles, I am thankful of my quirks cuz it will help me out in the long run.

ok i thought i was going to be able to recap tonight but i'm exhausted, so that will just have to wait until later today. for now, it's still just me and the moon. goodnight.