Half moon colored pumpkin.
cheeks stained black.
Two tired bodies. One fading heartbeat.
The most tragic three word combination: You Were It.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Sunday, June 24, 2007
And the band plays on...
[my music: Painters ~ Jewel]
People are occassionally wonderous and beautiful, but some as of late are overwhelmingly infuriating:
The Mouse: fighting terribly to create a name for itself in a clique.
The Trailer-Trash Poodle: dying for attention.
The Aged Tabby Cat: living vicariously through her rebellious little sister.
Everyone pretty much creates a name and spot for themselves within the first weeks (at most) of being in a clique of any sort. You have the grouch, the wild child, the playfully naive,... so on and so forth. But to change your position and name within that group is extremely difficult. While personal character changes and evolves from month to month, season to season, and year to year, it is difficult to lose any name you created for yourself however long ago. Some people though are attempting to change their name quickly and effectively. Few can pull it off, many screw it up. Many college-aged girl cliques find themselves in a dense cloud of drama that is only worsened by this type of situation. By attempting to take part in the drama of a group for the simple task of creating a personal name, you can either succeed and become like every other girl you surround yourself with, or you can find yourself kicking up more drama than some members of the clique are willing to deal with. As we age, our tolerance of petty crimes against social status becomes less. Word of advice to those attempting to create a name for themself (and pretty much anyone in the whole world): Choose wisely the drama you want to find yourself involved in, because you may find that even the most drama-filled clique cannot handle any more drama-starved children.
Some girls were just born with the ability to command attention. Others, not so much. So, they then try to get attention by dressing provocatively, rebelling against and claiming individuality from the social scene which they surround themselves with, and hating people like me. First of all, dress is the ultimate way to attract specific people from specific groups. If you dress preppy, you are more than likely going to attract people of the "preppy" social scene. If you dress trashy, you are more than likely going to attract people of the "trashy" social scene. Seems logical enough... But beyond just that, it reveals class, or lack thereof. I'm sorry, V.I.P. and other porn shops are not the best place to buy your shoes! Pretty much, that means you share the same shoe collection as hookers, prostitues and strippers. Now last time I checked, that's not exactly the crowd to associate with if you want to be taken seriously professionally and personally, regardless of who you think you have to or don't have to impress. Which brings me on to the fact that it absolutely infuritates me that people claim to hate those which they willingly surrounded themselves with. When you applied for admission to Quinnipiac University, you had to know that the majority of the students there would be white, Catholic, upperclass individuals probably with some spoiled and bratty tendencies. I will admit that I used to hate a similar crowd (except they were mostly Jewish and not Catholic), but Quinnipiac is normal for me, the class, the tendencies, everything, because it is what i grew up with, so I am able to handle it and now I realize that I am more of that crowd than I ever wanted to admit. But when you do not come from a similar setting, you had to know from pictures, from student reviews, that it was going to be the way that it is. Things that are different, stand out. And if you hate that scene so much, why the hell would you apply to be a part of it? It sure as hell was not the price and it sure as hell was not the hoppin' town surrounding it. So while you are here, do not broadcast how much you hate everyone around you because no one forced you to stay, no one forced you to live on campus with everyone, no one forced you to pay $35,000 a year so you can claim how every single Quinnipiac girl is the same and you are so gloriously different. You are not glorious and you are not different. You dress differently, you come from a different class, but in the end you and all college students are painfully similar. We are all here for an education to make a life for ourselves and our families one day, and along the way we are fighting to find ourselves and others whom we want to keep around as friends, confidants, potential lovers and spouses even. You are not different. Get over it. So when you come along and hate on me for no reason other than I am everything you hate and have everything you want, just remember, that I will be civil; but I will not go out of my way to be kind, and behind my seemingly harmless glance, I am laughing at you. I am laughing because you think you are sexy stomping around in hooker shoes, and wearing outfits that cost less than my shoes, and I know that it is the girl standing there commanding attention with her personality, her natural beauty, and her general presence that will still outshine you even on your best day. So go on playing your games, but one day you will wake up and realize how stupid you have been all along. Then again, maybe you won't...
Finally, aging can be painful, you realize how you've changed and grown, but sometimes there are still things left unsettled and you feel as though you cannot do anything about it. Rebellions were never understood by the autority, tears and struggles never sympathized with. But sometimes, those things are better of left that way. Left off as lessons of mishandled situations. Suddenly though, teenage causes are reignited by the rebellions and struggles of younger siblings. You should have learned that they were pointless from the start. College brings out the ability to do what your mother always told you to never do. It brings out the ability to try new things, experiment, stay out late, and essentially have more control over your daily tasks than ever before. However, some people simply cannot handle this type of responsibility. Yes, while it remains to be one of the best times of anyone's life, it still is more responsibility than you had ever had to deal with before. So those who had been sheltered all their lives and never really had to do more than their own laundry, will more than likely abuse the freedom of college. This brings about quarrelling between the young and the old. The parents want what is best, but the children see it as parents still attempting to control them. It is not right though, for an older sibling to step in and take the side of the younger sibling and promote rebelliousness for the simple reason that they did not have anyone there to support their side. Yes, sibling support is important, but when it is for the right reasons. Support your little sister's health, suport your little sister's decision to take part in greek life, support your little sister's academics. Do not turn around and talk smack about your own mother just because over a decade ago she used to try to control you too. You are supposed to deal with your parents, talk things through, and realize both sides of the argument. You are not supposed to lock yourself in your room, talk smack to your friends, and ignore your parents' point of view. In all of this, remember, that Karma is real. One day, you will have children too, and they will do exactly what you did to your mother, and what you are now having your sister do. To me, it is pathetic. Grow up and act your age.
ok, that was negative enough...
Dance, music, burgers, s'mores, partying, and beaded curtains made me remember why humans are amazing. The ability to speak your mind to a friend because she knows how honestly you love her and are looking out for her, is amazing. No matter how bitter things got over disagreements in life decisions, we still are able to get back to normal. Just getting in the car together, singing and driving; laying out on the beach, getting dolled up together, and just be our crazy quirky selves, are my favorite parts of hanging out with you!! Thursday and Friday were full of reunions. Reunions between roommates, friends, and old old enemies were rather incredible. It's crazy going an hour and a half away from home just to run into someone you hated in high school, who actually lives only about 6 minutes from my front door... and we actually got along really well. Ohhh, it was fun. Pics are up on dotphoto if you wanna take a look!
But now one of the best weekends of the summer so far has come to an end and i start my second job in the morning. So until next time, I remain insatiable and fabulous. Goodnight <3
People are occassionally wonderous and beautiful, but some as of late are overwhelmingly infuriating:
The Mouse: fighting terribly to create a name for itself in a clique.
The Trailer-Trash Poodle: dying for attention.
The Aged Tabby Cat: living vicariously through her rebellious little sister.
Everyone pretty much creates a name and spot for themselves within the first weeks (at most) of being in a clique of any sort. You have the grouch, the wild child, the playfully naive,... so on and so forth. But to change your position and name within that group is extremely difficult. While personal character changes and evolves from month to month, season to season, and year to year, it is difficult to lose any name you created for yourself however long ago. Some people though are attempting to change their name quickly and effectively. Few can pull it off, many screw it up. Many college-aged girl cliques find themselves in a dense cloud of drama that is only worsened by this type of situation. By attempting to take part in the drama of a group for the simple task of creating a personal name, you can either succeed and become like every other girl you surround yourself with, or you can find yourself kicking up more drama than some members of the clique are willing to deal with. As we age, our tolerance of petty crimes against social status becomes less. Word of advice to those attempting to create a name for themself (and pretty much anyone in the whole world): Choose wisely the drama you want to find yourself involved in, because you may find that even the most drama-filled clique cannot handle any more drama-starved children.
Some girls were just born with the ability to command attention. Others, not so much. So, they then try to get attention by dressing provocatively, rebelling against and claiming individuality from the social scene which they surround themselves with, and hating people like me. First of all, dress is the ultimate way to attract specific people from specific groups. If you dress preppy, you are more than likely going to attract people of the "preppy" social scene. If you dress trashy, you are more than likely going to attract people of the "trashy" social scene. Seems logical enough... But beyond just that, it reveals class, or lack thereof. I'm sorry, V.I.P. and other porn shops are not the best place to buy your shoes! Pretty much, that means you share the same shoe collection as hookers, prostitues and strippers. Now last time I checked, that's not exactly the crowd to associate with if you want to be taken seriously professionally and personally, regardless of who you think you have to or don't have to impress. Which brings me on to the fact that it absolutely infuritates me that people claim to hate those which they willingly surrounded themselves with. When you applied for admission to Quinnipiac University, you had to know that the majority of the students there would be white, Catholic, upperclass individuals probably with some spoiled and bratty tendencies. I will admit that I used to hate a similar crowd (except they were mostly Jewish and not Catholic), but Quinnipiac is normal for me, the class, the tendencies, everything, because it is what i grew up with, so I am able to handle it and now I realize that I am more of that crowd than I ever wanted to admit. But when you do not come from a similar setting, you had to know from pictures, from student reviews, that it was going to be the way that it is. Things that are different, stand out. And if you hate that scene so much, why the hell would you apply to be a part of it? It sure as hell was not the price and it sure as hell was not the hoppin' town surrounding it. So while you are here, do not broadcast how much you hate everyone around you because no one forced you to stay, no one forced you to live on campus with everyone, no one forced you to pay $35,000 a year so you can claim how every single Quinnipiac girl is the same and you are so gloriously different. You are not glorious and you are not different. You dress differently, you come from a different class, but in the end you and all college students are painfully similar. We are all here for an education to make a life for ourselves and our families one day, and along the way we are fighting to find ourselves and others whom we want to keep around as friends, confidants, potential lovers and spouses even. You are not different. Get over it. So when you come along and hate on me for no reason other than I am everything you hate and have everything you want, just remember, that I will be civil; but I will not go out of my way to be kind, and behind my seemingly harmless glance, I am laughing at you. I am laughing because you think you are sexy stomping around in hooker shoes, and wearing outfits that cost less than my shoes, and I know that it is the girl standing there commanding attention with her personality, her natural beauty, and her general presence that will still outshine you even on your best day. So go on playing your games, but one day you will wake up and realize how stupid you have been all along. Then again, maybe you won't...
Finally, aging can be painful, you realize how you've changed and grown, but sometimes there are still things left unsettled and you feel as though you cannot do anything about it. Rebellions were never understood by the autority, tears and struggles never sympathized with. But sometimes, those things are better of left that way. Left off as lessons of mishandled situations. Suddenly though, teenage causes are reignited by the rebellions and struggles of younger siblings. You should have learned that they were pointless from the start. College brings out the ability to do what your mother always told you to never do. It brings out the ability to try new things, experiment, stay out late, and essentially have more control over your daily tasks than ever before. However, some people simply cannot handle this type of responsibility. Yes, while it remains to be one of the best times of anyone's life, it still is more responsibility than you had ever had to deal with before. So those who had been sheltered all their lives and never really had to do more than their own laundry, will more than likely abuse the freedom of college. This brings about quarrelling between the young and the old. The parents want what is best, but the children see it as parents still attempting to control them. It is not right though, for an older sibling to step in and take the side of the younger sibling and promote rebelliousness for the simple reason that they did not have anyone there to support their side. Yes, sibling support is important, but when it is for the right reasons. Support your little sister's health, suport your little sister's decision to take part in greek life, support your little sister's academics. Do not turn around and talk smack about your own mother just because over a decade ago she used to try to control you too. You are supposed to deal with your parents, talk things through, and realize both sides of the argument. You are not supposed to lock yourself in your room, talk smack to your friends, and ignore your parents' point of view. In all of this, remember, that Karma is real. One day, you will have children too, and they will do exactly what you did to your mother, and what you are now having your sister do. To me, it is pathetic. Grow up and act your age.
ok, that was negative enough...
Dance, music, burgers, s'mores, partying, and beaded curtains made me remember why humans are amazing. The ability to speak your mind to a friend because she knows how honestly you love her and are looking out for her, is amazing. No matter how bitter things got over disagreements in life decisions, we still are able to get back to normal. Just getting in the car together, singing and driving; laying out on the beach, getting dolled up together, and just be our crazy quirky selves, are my favorite parts of hanging out with you!! Thursday and Friday were full of reunions. Reunions between roommates, friends, and old old enemies were rather incredible. It's crazy going an hour and a half away from home just to run into someone you hated in high school, who actually lives only about 6 minutes from my front door... and we actually got along really well. Ohhh, it was fun. Pics are up on dotphoto if you wanna take a look!
But now one of the best weekends of the summer so far has come to an end and i start my second job in the morning. So until next time, I remain insatiable and fabulous. Goodnight <3
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Sometimes a good venting is all you need!
[my music: A Slow Descent ~ Straylight Run]
first of all, i made my font darker because some people were complaining about it being so light, and quite frankliy it started hurting my head. Tonight i find myself plagued by the fairy of unpleasant contemplation. I am freaking out about and stressing things that I really should not be even really focusing on. There are so many things pulling me in a thousand different directions.
I'm finding myself surrounding myself more and more with girls that are so easy to please and relaxed about things. A few weeks ago in Nyack with Kim & Jennie we talked about how there are very few friends that you can have a meaningful relationship with and not worry about how much time passes between your visits or conversations. Kim and I could literally go a whole semester without speaking then once we're back in good old Roco, we pick up like not a day has passed since we last saw each other. Jennie and I the same thing, we just tend to miss each other more because we have the guilt of being family and not seeing each other. Either way, we know the value of friendship but understand the demanding nature of life especially during the college years. Ahhhh!!! I love my girls to death and I am slowly starting to realize which ones are closer to me and essentially more important than others. I also am thankful for my friends like Lisa, whom I knew of, but never really knew in high school. We went our separate ways, actually hung out with similar crowds and our stomping grounds overlapped a lot, still we never became friends. Then we started working together and it was like no problem what so ever that we hadn't ever really had a conversation before this past january. It's good to know that some people do get over petty high school cliques. I mean seriously, we never felt compelled to be friends, but growth and maturation have brought us together to the point of phone conversations that essentially play out as "I dont want to go out tonight if I don't go with you to Bruxelle's."
Guys on the other hand seem to be making things more and more difficult for me. I have guys that don't want me to be friends with certain guys, i have guys that don't want me to be friends with guys at all, and i have guys that are seriously just draining life out of me. Seriously, life is too short to be making such demands on people!!! And they need to realize that the more you talk to me about my friendships with other guys killing you, the more it's going to make me want to separate myself from you. I can deal with a fair amount of shit from people, but seriously, everything has its limit and I am quickly approaching mine. And i, from the bottom of my stomach, hate that I am feeling like I no longer want to do certain things that I know deep down inside I orignally wanted to do, because of my inability to deal with certain things anymore. I cannot be pushed around until you are happy! I want my friends to be happy, but I will sure as hell not sacrifice my own desires, happiness and whatever else just for the sake of one other person to be able to sleep better at night, while I lie awake forever guessing what could have been.
More so, I thought I had exactly what I had always wanted. Even If i couldn't have the whole thing, i knew that I didn't want to lose it all. I wanted to keep this in my life for my lack of ability to separate myself from it, and perhaps sheer faith in myself to actually make it alone. But once again everything has its limits and I feel that I have dealt with more than my fair share of garbage from this. I sit and I work at it, and I try, meanwhile nothing is ever returned to me in the same condition in which I handed it out. You, along with many other people I know will sit there and know exactly what I am talking about and mutter under their breaths that I am an idiot who should have sacrificed it all and not worried leaving.
ugh, well I am once again exhausted and completely forgot where I was supposed to be going again with this random ranting post. So, i guess that I will have to wait until tomorrow or some reasonable hour at the very least to finish up my rants. goodnight moon <3
first of all, i made my font darker because some people were complaining about it being so light, and quite frankliy it started hurting my head. Tonight i find myself plagued by the fairy of unpleasant contemplation. I am freaking out about and stressing things that I really should not be even really focusing on. There are so many things pulling me in a thousand different directions.
I'm finding myself surrounding myself more and more with girls that are so easy to please and relaxed about things. A few weeks ago in Nyack with Kim & Jennie we talked about how there are very few friends that you can have a meaningful relationship with and not worry about how much time passes between your visits or conversations. Kim and I could literally go a whole semester without speaking then once we're back in good old Roco, we pick up like not a day has passed since we last saw each other. Jennie and I the same thing, we just tend to miss each other more because we have the guilt of being family and not seeing each other. Either way, we know the value of friendship but understand the demanding nature of life especially during the college years. Ahhhh!!! I love my girls to death and I am slowly starting to realize which ones are closer to me and essentially more important than others. I also am thankful for my friends like Lisa, whom I knew of, but never really knew in high school. We went our separate ways, actually hung out with similar crowds and our stomping grounds overlapped a lot, still we never became friends. Then we started working together and it was like no problem what so ever that we hadn't ever really had a conversation before this past january. It's good to know that some people do get over petty high school cliques. I mean seriously, we never felt compelled to be friends, but growth and maturation have brought us together to the point of phone conversations that essentially play out as "I dont want to go out tonight if I don't go with you to Bruxelle's."
Guys on the other hand seem to be making things more and more difficult for me. I have guys that don't want me to be friends with certain guys, i have guys that don't want me to be friends with guys at all, and i have guys that are seriously just draining life out of me. Seriously, life is too short to be making such demands on people!!! And they need to realize that the more you talk to me about my friendships with other guys killing you, the more it's going to make me want to separate myself from you. I can deal with a fair amount of shit from people, but seriously, everything has its limit and I am quickly approaching mine. And i, from the bottom of my stomach, hate that I am feeling like I no longer want to do certain things that I know deep down inside I orignally wanted to do, because of my inability to deal with certain things anymore. I cannot be pushed around until you are happy! I want my friends to be happy, but I will sure as hell not sacrifice my own desires, happiness and whatever else just for the sake of one other person to be able to sleep better at night, while I lie awake forever guessing what could have been.
More so, I thought I had exactly what I had always wanted. Even If i couldn't have the whole thing, i knew that I didn't want to lose it all. I wanted to keep this in my life for my lack of ability to separate myself from it, and perhaps sheer faith in myself to actually make it alone. But once again everything has its limits and I feel that I have dealt with more than my fair share of garbage from this. I sit and I work at it, and I try, meanwhile nothing is ever returned to me in the same condition in which I handed it out. You, along with many other people I know will sit there and know exactly what I am talking about and mutter under their breaths that I am an idiot who should have sacrificed it all and not worried leaving.
ugh, well I am once again exhausted and completely forgot where I was supposed to be going again with this random ranting post. So, i guess that I will have to wait until tomorrow or some reasonable hour at the very least to finish up my rants. goodnight moon <3
Monday, June 11, 2007
I love cheesy personality profile type surveys online
[my music: You Won't Know ~ Brand New]
FIRSTS
1. First best friend: Lisa Landis
2. First love: Andy Sahn
3. First real kiss: the first one that was significant was Jeremy Login
4. First screen name: I think it was something like Tweety586
5. First pet: 2 miniature white bunnies Snowball & Fluffy
6. First car: Mazda Minivan, yeah i was a sexy 17 year old soccer mom
LASTS:
1. Last cigarette: hmmm... not so much
2. Last kiss: May 11th :(
3. Last good cry: a few weeks ago
4. Last beverage drank: milk!
5. Last food consumed: chocolate chip cookies
6. Last crush: hmm... real crush? John Langley
7. Last phone call: an hour ago with Andy
RELATIONSHIPS:
1. Who is your best friend: Patrick McGown
2. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend: no...
FASHION STUFF:
1. Where are your favorite places to shop: for clothing: Abercrombie & Fitch ((naturally)), American Eagle... for shoes: aldo, staccoto... for bags: loop showroom bitches... i seriously don't know where else I shop!
2. Favorite item of clothing: my white Aber fleece hoodie
SPECIFICS:
1. Do you do drugs: does alcohol count as a drug? then yes.
2. What kind of shampoo do you use: Pantene Pro-V Sheer Volume
3. What are you most scared of: umm... sharp objects, heights, the ocean (or moving bodies of water that i can drown in), and moths
FAVORITES:
1. Colors: Pink & Black
2. Foods: Mexican food, broccoli and cheese, stuffed mushrooms, sweet & sour chicken
3. Subject in school: Most literature classes
4. Animals: cats, hippos, ducks and dogs
5. Sports: Baseball, crew, hockey, soccer, football
6. Movie: V for Vendetta, Ghost, A Scanner Darkly
HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Given anyone a bath: i dont think so...
2. Smoked: yeah
3. Made yourself throw-up: yeah
4. Skinny dipped: No...
5. Been in love: yes <3
CURRENT:
1. Clothes: Blue & green plaid boxers and a green tank top ((i love pj's!))
2. Music: Brand New's Album "The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me"
3. Make-up: still wearing the usual: mascara, eyeliner, blush & lip gloss
4. IMs: Nope... people think i'm sleeping.
LAST PERSON:
1. Hugged: hmmm... it might have been Dan Mircica last night at Bruxelle's
2. Imed: Josh Halpern
3. Last person who slept at your house: Other than Luis? ummm... Patrick
4. Last persons house you slept at: Elisa's!
RANDOM:
1. In the morning I am: shocked at how good my skin looks
2. Love is: looking at someone from across a crowded room and being amazed at how the light makes only that one person glow. then again, maybe it isn't the light.
3. I dream about: random random things
Ten years ago, I:
1. was 11 years old
2. was in love with Dan Wagowski :D
3. was probably playing at Ryan Cook's house
Five years ago, I:
1. was 16 years old
2. was crazy about Mike DaCosta
3. was best friends with June Chaiyasit & Jane Bernstein
One year ago, I:
1. was 20 years old
2. was still trying to get over Andy
3. was getting ready for another camp season at Ramaquois
So far this year, I:
1. have been surprisingly happy and feeling free
2. have become more comfortable in myself and all my quirks
3. have become a lot nerdier!!!
Yesterday , I:
1. had lunch with my family and grandparents in chinatown
2. successfully went dress shopping!!!
3. went to Bruxelle's with Lisa Christiano and ran into every single person I have ever known in my entire life!!! like everyone from my ex's parents, to the previously mentioned Mike DaCosta, to the one girl i really hated in elementary school.
Today, I:
1. worked a 6 hour shift at Aber, and watched Lisa almost amputate her finger in a sensor remover
2. ate a nectarine
3. bought a candy bar... which i prob won't eat for another long time.
Tomorrow, I:
1. have to workkkk!!
2. am going to the movies with my faveeeee Alexx!!
3. will probably talk to elisa, cuz god forbid we go a day without speaking!!!
In one year, I will:
1. done with college?!
2. hopefully have a job that i enjoy
3. maybe have a boyfriend, i dunno. we'll see
In five years, I will:
1. be seriously dating/engaged to an amazing man?
2. be living in either New England, or Nyack/Piermont
3. have a good paying, fun job.
A - age : 21
B - band listening to right now: well now I'm listening to Nightmare of You
C - crush: i dont think i have a crush on anyone right now...
D - dads name: Joseph
E - easiest person to talk to: Elisa
F - favorite band at the moment : My Chemical Romance
G - gummy bears or gummy worms : Bears. without a doubt.
H - hometown : New City
I - instruments u can play: Flute
K - kids: I loveeee kids, and i'm kinda upset to not be back at ramaquois this summer :(
L - longest car ride ever: ummm, it was broken down into 4 hour segments, but i drove down to Florida with my cousins in 2003
M - mom's name : Maria
N - number of siblings : 3, Marisa, Andrea & Kristin... oh wait. now we have the little bro Luis... so for right now it's 4!
O - one wish : to feel the insane misery/bliss combination of love one more time before i die
P - phobia[s] : suffocating... ask anyone who has ever tried to touch my nose!!
Q - favorite quote: right now... it would have to be "i'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. i make mistakes, i'm out of control, and at times i'm hard to handle. but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best" by Marilyn Monroe.
R - biggest rival : i dont think have one...
S - song you sang last : "I don't Love You" by My Chemical Romance
T - time you wake up: during the week, anywhere from 5:30 to 8
U - unknown fact about me : i dont think there's anything worth revealing here that isn't already known... that isn't also something that i want to remain unknown to the majority of you.
V - vegetable you hate : some weird ass root thing that my grandmother tried to get me to eat yesterday. oh and cauliflower ((that shit is naaaasty!!))
W - worst habit(s) you've had : picking at my nails, biting the inside of my mouth
X - x-rays you've had : oh... ummm.... both wrists, 5 fingers, both knees.
Y - yummy food : Guacamole
Z - zodiac sign : Taurus
damn. now i'm tired. that was entertaining... see?!?! i am a huge nerd!
FIRSTS
1. First best friend: Lisa Landis
2. First love: Andy Sahn
3. First real kiss: the first one that was significant was Jeremy Login
4. First screen name: I think it was something like Tweety586
5. First pet: 2 miniature white bunnies Snowball & Fluffy
6. First car: Mazda Minivan, yeah i was a sexy 17 year old soccer mom
LASTS:
1. Last cigarette: hmmm... not so much
2. Last kiss: May 11th :(
3. Last good cry: a few weeks ago
4. Last beverage drank: milk!
5. Last food consumed: chocolate chip cookies
6. Last crush: hmm... real crush? John Langley
7. Last phone call: an hour ago with Andy
RELATIONSHIPS:
1. Who is your best friend: Patrick McGown
2. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend: no...
FASHION STUFF:
1. Where are your favorite places to shop: for clothing: Abercrombie & Fitch ((naturally)), American Eagle... for shoes: aldo, staccoto... for bags: loop showroom bitches... i seriously don't know where else I shop!
2. Favorite item of clothing: my white Aber fleece hoodie
SPECIFICS:
1. Do you do drugs: does alcohol count as a drug? then yes.
2. What kind of shampoo do you use: Pantene Pro-V Sheer Volume
3. What are you most scared of: umm... sharp objects, heights, the ocean (or moving bodies of water that i can drown in), and moths
FAVORITES:
1. Colors: Pink & Black
2. Foods: Mexican food, broccoli and cheese, stuffed mushrooms, sweet & sour chicken
3. Subject in school: Most literature classes
4. Animals: cats, hippos, ducks and dogs
5. Sports: Baseball, crew, hockey, soccer, football
6. Movie: V for Vendetta, Ghost, A Scanner Darkly
HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Given anyone a bath: i dont think so...
2. Smoked: yeah
3. Made yourself throw-up: yeah
4. Skinny dipped: No...
5. Been in love: yes <3
CURRENT:
1. Clothes: Blue & green plaid boxers and a green tank top ((i love pj's!))
2. Music: Brand New's Album "The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me"
3. Make-up: still wearing the usual: mascara, eyeliner, blush & lip gloss
4. IMs: Nope... people think i'm sleeping.
LAST PERSON:
1. Hugged: hmmm... it might have been Dan Mircica last night at Bruxelle's
2. Imed: Josh Halpern
3. Last person who slept at your house: Other than Luis? ummm... Patrick
4. Last persons house you slept at: Elisa's!
RANDOM:
1. In the morning I am: shocked at how good my skin looks
2. Love is: looking at someone from across a crowded room and being amazed at how the light makes only that one person glow. then again, maybe it isn't the light.
3. I dream about: random random things
Ten years ago, I:
1. was 11 years old
2. was in love with Dan Wagowski :D
3. was probably playing at Ryan Cook's house
Five years ago, I:
1. was 16 years old
2. was crazy about Mike DaCosta
3. was best friends with June Chaiyasit & Jane Bernstein
One year ago, I:
1. was 20 years old
2. was still trying to get over Andy
3. was getting ready for another camp season at Ramaquois
So far this year, I:
1. have been surprisingly happy and feeling free
2. have become more comfortable in myself and all my quirks
3. have become a lot nerdier!!!
Yesterday , I:
1. had lunch with my family and grandparents in chinatown
2. successfully went dress shopping!!!
3. went to Bruxelle's with Lisa Christiano and ran into every single person I have ever known in my entire life!!! like everyone from my ex's parents, to the previously mentioned Mike DaCosta, to the one girl i really hated in elementary school.
Today, I:
1. worked a 6 hour shift at Aber, and watched Lisa almost amputate her finger in a sensor remover
2. ate a nectarine
3. bought a candy bar... which i prob won't eat for another long time.
Tomorrow, I:
1. have to workkkk!!
2. am going to the movies with my faveeeee Alexx!!
3. will probably talk to elisa, cuz god forbid we go a day without speaking!!!
In one year, I will:
1. done with college?!
2. hopefully have a job that i enjoy
3. maybe have a boyfriend, i dunno. we'll see
In five years, I will:
1. be seriously dating/engaged to an amazing man?
2. be living in either New England, or Nyack/Piermont
3. have a good paying, fun job.
A - age : 21
B - band listening to right now: well now I'm listening to Nightmare of You
C - crush: i dont think i have a crush on anyone right now...
D - dads name: Joseph
E - easiest person to talk to: Elisa
F - favorite band at the moment : My Chemical Romance
G - gummy bears or gummy worms : Bears. without a doubt.
H - hometown : New City
I - instruments u can play: Flute
K - kids: I loveeee kids, and i'm kinda upset to not be back at ramaquois this summer :(
L - longest car ride ever: ummm, it was broken down into 4 hour segments, but i drove down to Florida with my cousins in 2003
M - mom's name : Maria
N - number of siblings : 3, Marisa, Andrea & Kristin... oh wait. now we have the little bro Luis... so for right now it's 4!
O - one wish : to feel the insane misery/bliss combination of love one more time before i die
P - phobia[s] : suffocating... ask anyone who has ever tried to touch my nose!!
Q - favorite quote: right now... it would have to be "i'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. i make mistakes, i'm out of control, and at times i'm hard to handle. but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best" by Marilyn Monroe.
R - biggest rival : i dont think have one...
S - song you sang last : "I don't Love You" by My Chemical Romance
T - time you wake up: during the week, anywhere from 5:30 to 8
U - unknown fact about me : i dont think there's anything worth revealing here that isn't already known... that isn't also something that i want to remain unknown to the majority of you.
V - vegetable you hate : some weird ass root thing that my grandmother tried to get me to eat yesterday. oh and cauliflower ((that shit is naaaasty!!))
W - worst habit(s) you've had : picking at my nails, biting the inside of my mouth
X - x-rays you've had : oh... ummm.... both wrists, 5 fingers, both knees.
Y - yummy food : Guacamole
Z - zodiac sign : Taurus
damn. now i'm tired. that was entertaining... see?!?! i am a huge nerd!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Peonies are beautiful...
[my music: Foolish Games ~ Jewel]
First of all, a poem by Jewel titled So Just Kiss Me
First of all, a poem by Jewel titled So Just Kiss Me
So just kiss me and let my hair
messy itself in your fingers
tell me nothing needs to be done--
no clocks need winding
there is no bell without a voice
needing to borrow my own
instead, let me steady myself
in the arms
of a man who won't ask me to be
what he needs, but lets me exist
as i am
a blonde flame
a hurricane
wrapped up
in a tiny body
that will come to his arms
like the safest harbor
for mending
messy itself in your fingers
tell me nothing needs to be done--
no clocks need winding
there is no bell without a voice
needing to borrow my own
instead, let me steady myself
in the arms
of a man who won't ask me to be
what he needs, but lets me exist
as i am
a blonde flame
a hurricane
wrapped up
in a tiny body
that will come to his arms
like the safest harbor
for mending
That is what i want, I want to be as I am and for a guy to just accept me for that and not make demands on my character. One of my greatest fears ever since i was a little girl was that I was going to die alone. As a child, most females spend their time dressing up like brides and fantasizing about marrying prince phillip from sleeping beauty... but not this girl. By age 7 i found myself lying awake at night fearing that i was never going to find someone to grow old with. I thought that I never was going to get the white dress, big flowers, shiny diamond ring ((not that i want a diamond engagement ring. it's all about the pink sapphires ;))). I'm awkward. I dont know why I thought like that when i was that little. Now in my life I am beginning to think that I have a character that it will never be difficult for me to figure out who is just simply not cut out for the task of being the man i will love forever. i'm too intense for most guys. I'm all over the place, I'm random, I'm messy, I'm selfish and a little jealous, I'm protective and territorial, and most guys hate that. And the guys who cannot handle that and find it so easy to just leave me clearly are not the one i'm looking for. So despite the fact that my love life is in shambles, I am thankful of my quirks cuz it will help me out in the long run.
ok i thought i was going to be able to recap tonight but i'm exhausted, so that will just have to wait until later today. for now, it's still just me and the moon. goodnight.
ok i thought i was going to be able to recap tonight but i'm exhausted, so that will just have to wait until later today. for now, it's still just me and the moon. goodnight.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Bee Bee Dee Bob Bob
[my music: In The Bathroom ~ Nightmare of You]
This is definitely going to be a summer to remember... new friends, new paths, new plans. I was initially super bummed about the sudden lack of internships, but every cloud has its silver lining. I've begun the search and applying for internships during the school year around Hamden, Cheshire, New Haven and Hartford. So we shall see how that all turns out.
Many other aspects of my preconceived notions about the events and happenings of this summer have completely flipped around since as little as two weeks ago. I thought that I would feel different, be doing different things, hanging out with different people, and perhaps more significant is how i thought that i would be hoping and dreaming of different things. But for me, right now, I love the fact that my life is still changing faster than I even have time to actually realize it. For example, one of the coolest, and possibly the most random part of my summer so far started all because of a random phone call while being stuck in traffic on the cross bronx. I made a friend that I didn't think that I would become this close to, and I can only say that there are going to be many confused people after I post pictures from this upcoming weekend :D!! We've known each other for over a year, and yet we never actually bonded until recently and it's a damn shame... well not so much cuz now we're def making up for lost time. Weekly girly gossip nights, family bar nights, 2-hour phone conversations about boys and how they complicate our lives more than they could ever believe, poem and book sharing, roadtrip planning, and random IMs at 10 am about needing a drink already make me feel like we've been real close for a real long time.
Still, I am back at Abercrombie and Fitch... making money, which is a good thing i guess. Nothing terribly exciting happening there, our visual manager is awesome, Kevin is still a jerk and a half, meredith quit :(, angela is cracked out and helps me maintain my sense of awkwardness ((thank god!!)), the guys are adorable and sweet, and lisa and jackie are going to be my bad news bears this summer ((but in a really good way))... i can feel it.
As far as hanging out with and even just talking to people goes... I am hanging out with and talking to random people that I probably would not have predicted I would be with. And on the other hand, I am not hanging out with and talking to certain people as much as I thought I would be. I have yet to go see jessy-poo, patrick, john, michelle, and kevin... and haven't even really talked to them as much as I normally would have. But I've already seen Wolpy, stini, kris, elisa, and a few others that I normally would only see at most once and def later in the break. straaaange. It's different, but it's fine.
I cannot wait to move into my apartment in august!!!! It's going to be amazing, freedom and independence while still being close enough to the people that I simply cannot picture my life without.
but for now i must bid you a goodnight, because abercrombie and fitch owns my life and I have to be there at 7 am. ugh.
It's still just me and the moon...<3
This is definitely going to be a summer to remember... new friends, new paths, new plans. I was initially super bummed about the sudden lack of internships, but every cloud has its silver lining. I've begun the search and applying for internships during the school year around Hamden, Cheshire, New Haven and Hartford. So we shall see how that all turns out.
Many other aspects of my preconceived notions about the events and happenings of this summer have completely flipped around since as little as two weeks ago. I thought that I would feel different, be doing different things, hanging out with different people, and perhaps more significant is how i thought that i would be hoping and dreaming of different things. But for me, right now, I love the fact that my life is still changing faster than I even have time to actually realize it. For example, one of the coolest, and possibly the most random part of my summer so far started all because of a random phone call while being stuck in traffic on the cross bronx. I made a friend that I didn't think that I would become this close to, and I can only say that there are going to be many confused people after I post pictures from this upcoming weekend :D!! We've known each other for over a year, and yet we never actually bonded until recently and it's a damn shame... well not so much cuz now we're def making up for lost time. Weekly girly gossip nights, family bar nights, 2-hour phone conversations about boys and how they complicate our lives more than they could ever believe, poem and book sharing, roadtrip planning, and random IMs at 10 am about needing a drink already make me feel like we've been real close for a real long time.
Still, I am back at Abercrombie and Fitch... making money, which is a good thing i guess. Nothing terribly exciting happening there, our visual manager is awesome, Kevin is still a jerk and a half, meredith quit :(, angela is cracked out and helps me maintain my sense of awkwardness ((thank god!!)), the guys are adorable and sweet, and lisa and jackie are going to be my bad news bears this summer ((but in a really good way))... i can feel it.
As far as hanging out with and even just talking to people goes... I am hanging out with and talking to random people that I probably would not have predicted I would be with. And on the other hand, I am not hanging out with and talking to certain people as much as I thought I would be. I have yet to go see jessy-poo, patrick, john, michelle, and kevin... and haven't even really talked to them as much as I normally would have. But I've already seen Wolpy, stini, kris, elisa, and a few others that I normally would only see at most once and def later in the break. straaaange. It's different, but it's fine.
I cannot wait to move into my apartment in august!!!! It's going to be amazing, freedom and independence while still being close enough to the people that I simply cannot picture my life without.
but for now i must bid you a goodnight, because abercrombie and fitch owns my life and I have to be there at 7 am. ugh.
It's still just me and the moon...<3
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