The Long Kiss Goodbye...

I talked so much
I'm sure I didn't realize I'd gone crazy
Didn't catch my bloody nose
Or that my heart tried to explode
I still live with my High School QUINNIPIAC friends
Some people never change at all
We're still the same impulsive drunks
We were when we were small
maybe we were made for each other
So before we end and then begin
We'll drink a toast to how it's been
A few more hours to be complete
A few more nights on satin sheets
A few more times that I can say
I've loved these days
This is the time to remember
Cause it will not last forever
These are the days
To hold on to
Cause we won't
Although we'll want to
This is the time
But time is gonna change

This is not simply the story of my college career ending and attempting to come to terms with the idea of not being around the people who started as friends and became the biggest part of my life (despite the bickering, gossiping and fighting); this is the story of a girl who was forced to grow up like she's never had to even consider before.

In 2004, Quinnipiac was not the place I wanted to be. Between the nasty girls I lived with first, and having a boyfriend in another school, UMass Amherst was actually where I wanted to be. Had I done that, I am not sure if I could even be close to the point that I am in life where I can see things reasonably clear. Perhaps I would have cried less. Perhaps I would have loved differently. Either way, I wouldn't know My Girls or The Boys; the people that make me believe I'm one of the lucky ones at Quinnipiac, I found real people: the smiles of the pictures that made the last 4 years of my life worth living. I'm a sap, but everyone already knows that.

Irma<3Troup<3Hill<3Aspen Glen.
It really was the best 4 years of my life.

Now the growing up that comes with graduating college and moving on is not the only brand of growing up that I'm dealing with right now. Breaking up, especially when you believed that person had what it takes to love forever, is never easy. My darling heart though is not the only person to leave my life at this point though; there's always that security blanket. The boy who was the first one to truly break my heart, the one everyone remembers being that I cried everytime liquor touched my lips because of him. After coming to terms with not being together but always having a love for each other, we saw each other, without fail, every single time I came home from Quinnipiac. It was so much easier than staying away, especially when some unfortunate college relationship came to its inevitable end. We knew we would never get back together, but always talked about the emotional attachment that would surely never fade. He never really dated, I did. But now he's not here. Yes, of course, when the most incredible relationship I've ever experienced is no longer, he moves to Israel. Yes, Israel. Even though it's only for the summer, I feel strange not having him to pick me up in the middle of the night to go for a drive or find some dunkin donuts. My security blanket is gone, and now I have to deal with a break-up truly on my own. It sounds stupid and it sounds weak, but I know and I hope that people acknowledge that I am not the only one who has experienced having this kind of security blanket.

My Quinnipiac experience is over.
My English love affair is over.
My dependency on a former love is over.

And somehow I think I'll be just fine.