I'm a Wishful Thinker With the Worst Intentions

My photo
New York, United States
I'm a student, a sister, a daughter, a mentor, a friend, a lover, an enemy and your partner in crime. I love life, live it to the fullest, and am generally as satisfied as one insatiable girl can be.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Truely, Madly, Deeply

[my music: These Are The Times To Remember ~ Billy Joel]

Right now, I am Truely, Madly, Deeply in love with the life i live. Thanksgiving apparently hit me a little late this year. But tonight I came back to my room after getting a sick sick massage from my fave naughty boy, and I just started looking at pictures. Last year's may album from my quinnipiac 05-06 collection is quite possibly one of my fave albums ever!!! Life for me would be so different right now if i had not met the people that i now consider practically my family. When a huge chapter of my life ended, my girls helped me get through it. It was because of them that I now stand here and feel like as long as I have them, I never have to depend on a relationship with a guy the way that i previously had. When there was a huge loss in my family, the girls made it so much easier by sending my family flowers. I will never forget my parents calling my name when i was in the basement with my sisters telling me that someone had sent me flowers. I never thought receiving a floral arrangement from a bunch of girls could make this girl so happy!!! I seriously love stini, em, jess, tara, courtney and cassie more than they will ever begin to understand. We talk shit about each other, we make fun of each other, but more than that: we cry, laugh, get drunk, pass out, eat, shop, and do so many other things that most people would probably consider incredibly inappropriate. In a little over a year and a half, you girls have become my roommates, my best friends, my party/study/libby run/exercise partners, and the reason why I love college.
Outside of the most lovely suite in all of Quinnipiac, so many other people have shaped my life more than they can see. The London girls. What can I say about the 8 of us, nearly complete strangers, voluntarily getting on a plane and traveling across the great pond we know as the Atlantic, and staying in a college dorm in the middle of London. A place where obviously NONE OF US were too acquainted with. If I could do it all over again, there are maybe a few things here and there that I would love to change ((wouldn't we all)), but I would still volunteer to get lost with you guys, dance with random british strippers, try to get into a gay bar without knowing it was actually a gay bar, change our names to random and clearly made-up names, eat 400 times at Pizza Express, fall in love with Shakespearean actors, freak out over spiders, watch Brittany get stung on the armpit and burn her eye ball out, I would still bleed across Regents Park, play jumbo connect four, and pay 12 dollars for a decent hamburger. We cried, laughed, and got completely bolloxed, and that was what made those 3 weeks of my life, the most incredible vacation/learning experience I have ever had. Even with the caddiness and straight up nastiness of some, I would not give up that experience for anything in the world. Brittany, Amanda, Natalie, Stef, Alex, Betsy, Nicole and of course MaJo. Forever and always, in my mind we will be the London Lovers.
Naturally, my life would be incomplete with out the swarms of boys that love me terribly! Just playing!!!! sheesh! I love the boys in my life. They're crazy, off the wall, cracked out, and quite possibly a direct reflection of me and my girls!! Life would def be more dull without the inappropriate jokes, late night heart to hearts, mortal kombat at 3 in the morning, and every other little thing that we've had together. The troup boys. What can i say about the troup boys. Def my fave of the entire male species. Kris, Josh, Andy, Ian, Wolpy, Dave, Kevin & Jon will forever be the 130 boys in my mind... and i dont care if you never see troup 130 ever again! Then Patrick, Adam, Chris & the rest of the 280 boys def became my fave late night hang out at the end of first semester and second semester... i dont know what food i would have eaten if I didn't hang out with you boys so much! Now that lovely suite plus naughty, still my fave. Most quinnipiac boys make me want to vomit, but you boys have all made college THAT much more fun for me.
pretty much I love all my college friends!!!!!!! thank you so much for always being there.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

You must not know bout me...

[my music: Ohio is for Lovers ~ Hawthorne Heights]

I love that some people in my life will never ever even come close to understanding what it is that they do to me. For a long time in my mind there has been one male friend that I had in RoCo that meant a lot to me. But no matter how hard I tried to be there, and gain the type of friendship that I saw that he and I could have, I never meant the same to him. I was never anything to him. He always chose the stupid immature asshole friends that were always obviously behind him. In the meantime he was never able to share so many stories with them for fear of ridicule or whatever his reasons were, so where did he go? He came to me. We had this connection and incredible trust between us especially during the fall of 2005 when both of us ended relationships. My relationship was obviously more of a severe break up, but we were always there for each other. So on a night like this, I can only wonder why I was never worth defending against the slanderous mouths of disgusting individuals? I expected more. Perhaps to much, but at least an honest effort to stop the drunken blabbering of slobs I think is understandable. Men will never understand what it is to not be high school slobs anymore.
So many men hang on to their glory years with white, tired and bleeding nuckles. The two of you are juniors in college for christ's sake. Guys complain about the demands placed on them by girls the same age, and women are never satisfied. Well maybe if guys acted their age as opposed to continuing to act like the scrawny underdeveloped 9th graders just discovering alcohol and boobies, the world would be much easier and women would not have to seek older men. The only reason why guys at the age of 20 are still dating high school students is because they understand the fact that their female counterparts will not waste their time or energy to actually take a second look. The guys that walk around with their tight fitting tees that show off how tiny their frame is, with large clearly metrosexual aviators, fitted jeans and sporting this unnecessary and obviously misplaced arrogance, thinking that they can get whatever they want from whomever. Newsflash baby. A girl may try you out, realize how underdeveloped you are, and leave you like a pair of last season's abercrombie jeans. Then we have the oversized guys that think because they are in college, they are automatically the coolest guy to ever walk the face of the planet, and the only thing that is comparable to the size of their rather humorous ego is the size of his gut covered in awkward patches of hair. I have two words for these guys: false advertising. There is seriously no reason for you to be arrogant. You are neither goodlooking, nor do you have the personality, nor do you have the brain to back up any particle of arrogance that is normally allowed to a human being. You are undeserving of the respect of any female, you are undeserving of the trust, heart and body of any female. And most of all you are undeserving of many of the opportunities that you have been given because of the mere fact that you take everything in you life from your ability to buy certain clothes, your chance to go to college, and so many other tiny things that you have taken for granted.
I hope that now two slobs realize what assholes they have been and that I am not like other girls that have come in and out of their meaningless lives. You have always treated girls like they would never fight back because you have only dealt with the weak girls who fuel the fire that keeps your head infated. But tonight you decided ot mess with the one girl that is ready to come through with a chainsaw to rip that balloon head down.
Still... as for a certain friend whom I wanted to keep. Give me a reason to believe you...

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Thanksssssgiving

[my music: Wherever I May Roam ~ Metallica]

On this day when one should give thanks, I am sitting here at the kitchen table alone, while family tragedies are being discussed over sugary cakes and pies. My mind is wandering as though on a mission to find something but i am completely unaware as to what it is. My tongue is on fire with things to say. Or maybe it's just MJ's salsa. The philosophical rantings have gotten the better of me lately. I don't think I can handle neither the painfully optimistic nor the painfully pessimistic views of the world that I am being bombarded with. Am I a negative person? I find that i might be mildly cynical these days. But at the same time, i remain naively hopeful for the world and the heart of man despite the pain that world and men have shown me especially in the last year. Expectations, murder, losing touch, losing heart, losing faith, losing love, while gaining myself have completely changed my perspective of this holiday that the country is celebrating today. i don't know anymore........ I look at so many different things and it hurts. But i remain completely thankful for the family that I still have, my mom, dad, missy, ang, krissy, and all of my cousins, aunts & uncles. And I seriously do not know where I would be without some of my best friends at the Q: jess, stini, em, court, tara & cass, patrick, langley, the london girls, and so many others. The Abercrombie kids!! My RoCo loves: zoila, jeremy, roberto, goldie and once again so many others. And last but certainly not least my kitty spanky! Life would not be the same with all of these people <3>

Friday, November 17, 2006

Musical Break: Beyonce Knowles

This song is pretty much what i've wanted to say for the last 2 weeks:

From Beyonce's Irreplaceable

standing in the front yard, telling me
how i'm such a fool, talkin' bout
how i'll never find a man like you
you got me twisted

you must not know bout me
you must not know bout me
i could have another you in a minute
matter fact, he'll be here in a minute baby

you must not know bout me
you must not know bout me
i can have another you by tomorrow
so don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
y o u ' r e i r r e p l a c e a b l e

. . .

so since i'm not your everything
how about i'll be nothing? nothing at all to you
baby i won't shed a tear for you
i won't lose a wink of sleep
cause the truth of the matter is
replacing you is so easy



amen.
girl knows what she's talking about.