Here's a toast to all those who hear me all to well...

[my music: The Ataris ~ So Long Astoria]

Yet another May Weekend has come to an end. But I think everyone will look back at those 48 hours and smile. I don't even know what to say about it. This weekend was fun, it was messy, it was sloppy, it was hilarious. Playing beer pong at 3:30 in the afternoon, getting matching key chains and air brush tatooes, the bikini dance party, playing tourrette's, wiffle ball, the Guinness hat, and everything else made this the best weekend ever. It also made it so much harder to accept that we are leaving eachother in at most 12 days. :( It's so sad. But who wants to think about such things right now... not me. I love life right now... well maybe not RIGHT NOW considering how physically sick i feel... but you know what i mean. It's all good.

Pre MAY WEEKEND

[my music: Eve 6 ~ Here's to the night]

Here we are again... at the brink of what may either be glory or disaster. I'm going to do my best to make sure it's all glory. May weekend, what a beautifully messy holiday we have here at Quinnipiac! And i'm in love with my friends and the time's we've had this year. My girls in 120, the guys in 130 and 280... even the guys in 170 and Mountainview and EVERYWHERE ELSE have made this year seriously the best year of my life despite some times of pain and tears. To everyone that has been there for me and I for them... I love you dearly. each and every last one. So this weekend we will raise our glass and to the times we've laughed, the time's we cried, and the times we just can't remember for the lives of us! Thank you everyone!

and a little side note: really funny away message that i read today:Today we salute you, Mr.Quinnipiac Security Officer. While most people are out trying to have fun in college, you're waiting in your newly purchased SUV, stalking them down. Nothing excites you more than breaking up a Village frat party while giving your best impression of CIA agent Jack Bauer. Sure their tuition pays your salary, but you don't waiver. When people park too long in one spot or drive down dorm road, you're terribly vexed, and right there to ticket them. You'll never let a student vehicle park in an unauthorized zone, but you'll drive your BRAND NEW Jeep Cherokee on their sidewalks like speed racer. You are the campus god. So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, elderly enforcer, and don't wander too far from your post because you may miss the next opportunity to act like a police officer!

So close I can almost taste it...

[my music: Dashboard Confessional ~ As Lovers Go]

The warm breeze. The green grass. The unrelenting sun. This all is such a tease. I can't wait for the laughing children. The golf carts speeding by. Lifeguards' sounding their whistles. The splashing of water by the pools and on the lake. The wizzing of the zip-line. I need the smell of summer, I need it's noises in my ears. I am so excited for this summer. It's going to be a lot of work between Brighton Jewelers & Ramaquois Day Camp, but I can not wait to soak up every last second of it. I won't lie, I was a little apprehensive about returning to Ramaquois being that so much has changed and I hate the idea of having to explain to EVERYONE about each of the changes! damn. But i've put all of those fears and doubts behind me and I'm excited to go in as something other than "andy's girlfriend." I am going to create an image of Samantha Chan that the people in Ramaquois will wonder how they ever called her by anything else. I am me. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Rain, Traffic, Tears, and other things that made my weekend worth while

[my music: Mozart ~ Minuet]

There is just something about the rain these days that makes me smile.
Through every second, he stayed as fresh in my mind as the time I saw him last.
So Friday I went up to New Haven with mi madre y mi hermana to see the school's production of Dead Man Walking. Upon first entering the theatre, I was mildly confused by the stage set up and seating arrangements; the audience in this set up was on both sides of the theatre with the stage in the middle... first time I had ever seen a a thatre set up like this. At the same time that I was entering the theatre and taking notice of my surroundings, i had a preconceived notion as to what i was going to see in the performance. I thought it was going to be about this man on death row who comes into contact with a nun who had never previously dealt with the situations and emotions that she would have to deal with because of this man. I had never once even thought that it was going to deal with almost every point of view possible that may exist on the topic of the death penalty. Needless to say many of the things mentioned hit close to home and upset me greatly during and right after the performance. I thought that Casey Manning as Matthew Poncelot was incredible. He had the accent down (which not everyone in the production did), but more importantly he came off cold and unremorseful when he needed to, making the audience feel detached from and unemotional toward him. Then he came off as broken down, emotional and torn by inner conflict when he needed to, then making the crowd feel sorry for him and in the end almost mourning his death. Shelara Pullen played the role of Sister Helen Prejean in a truthful, believable and emotional way that surprised me. She was real, she was honest in her attempts to make things right, and the way which she handled a convicted murderer as a child of God. Shelara is a very intelligent strong woman outside of the theatre, as I had the honor of meeting her last semester in my British literature class, and it truely showed as she played this role true to the real Sister Helen Prejean. The overall performance was impressive and deeply touching. And it was nice that at the end of the performance when my sister and I had to excuse ourselves before the group discussion, my friend whom i had gone to see the play for, came over and asked me if I was ok and stuff, and just gave me a really comforting hug which meant a lot to me. The group discussion was good, made me wonder though because people are so quick to judge a situation and think that they know concretely how they feel about a certain topic, in this case the death penalty. But what happens when you life is suddenly hurled into a situation where the death penalty could have possibly played a huge role. What if a loved one were murdered and the murderer was on trial, would you still be as against the death penalty as when you were in college and violent death was not a part of the reasonably perfect world you found yourself engulfed in? There is no way to answer that. I personally feel that no one can accurately judge any situation until they themselves walked on their own boney feet into that situation. At the end of the night, I found myself most content. The play was for a lack of original words... incredible. Everyone in the play did a superb job. And I have an amazing friend whom I had so much fun watching in it, and I was so glad that I had finally been able to get there to see it. What's the number one song? What song is popular? I had no choice but to crack a small smile at that line... oh man.

Because I'm tired now, you guys have no choice but to receive the concise version of my weekend. Sisterly bonding was in the air Saturday... waking up to phone calls from sisters great distances away (actually about an hour away for each of them), receiving orders to tell mom to call dad and get a pork or just finding out the plans for getting up to Brewster that night. There was a little bit of heart ache around lunchtime which nearly destroyed my weekend... damn heart, i wish you were stone. Shopping brought no comfort... I tried. A long drive though on the scenic route across to Putnam County calmed my nerves greatly. Friendly faces, loud laughs, good food, and the always entertaining activity of baking made the rest of the night enjoyable. Today... Happy Easter... brought about stuff that I don't even know how or why I happened... so maybe it is better off left unsaid. For now... goodnight.


ps-while in the city on friday... we saw the guy from What Not to Wear on TLC... holla what

Blurring & Sturring the truth and the lies

[my music: Dem Franchize Boyz ~ Lean With it Rock With it]

I'm too excited to sleep.
I thought tonight was going to blow, but i laughed a hell of a lot more than i expected. I'm stoked for tomorrow!!! No go on the gym :P wutevs! Lunch with the bleep bleep & maybe the mcgown-nugget, Bleep Bleep outings, Girlfriend adventures, one stupid class, a Mother-daughter outing with the roomie to see Dead Man Walking and finally returning to New York make tomorrow to be quite the fun-filled day!!!

I thought i was going 0-2 tonight...but luckily things took a turn for the better! holla what! I am so happy at this moment!

Poetic Break: T.S. Eliot

From "The Wasteland" Part 1. The Burial of the Dead.

April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with the spring rain.
Winter kept us warm, covering
Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
A little life with dried tubers.
Summer surprised us, coming over the Starnbergersee
With a shower of rain; we stopped in the colonnade,
And went on in sunlight, into the Hofgarten.

Later in the same portion of the poem Eliot goes on to write:

What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man,
You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief,
And the dry stone no sound of water. Only
There is shadow under this red rock,
(Come in under the shadow of this red rock)
And I will show you something different from either
Your Shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

Frisch weht der Wind
Der Heimat zu
Mein Irisch Kind
Wo weilest du?

Eliot was rightfully so the poetic leader of his time.

What beautiful hope you have

[my music: James Blunt ~ High]

In one's lifetime, an individual may search for one solitary thing, person or idea to live for. As yet another school year comes to an untimely end, I begin to wonder why anyone in the world would live for anything but their friends and the memories that have been created over the days, the weeks, the months, and even the years. I live for the nights, the days, the times that I'll remember, and those others that I don't ((that's a joke ;P)). My life has become Quinnipiac. My life has become my friends. My life has become me.
Heartache in september gave me a reason to have a bleak outlook. We laughed about bananas, and how sneezes are remarkably like orgasms. Crying in September became commonplace with the loss of fellow students. Bonds between 120 and 130 were created and set in stone early, and we were all ok with that. Midnight Madness and Halloween gave us unbelievable chances to party, and party we did. Halloween also brought about new friends, friends we never thought we'd get this close to. Meeting new people became my life through first semester between all the people here, and New City Condos with Nikki. Fights and bitterness tried to rain on the parade of otherwise happy people. Nicknames brought on special bonds between suities, bonds that i doubt any of us will ever forget. Winter brought ice and snow. Walks in the ice brought about unexpected feelings, snow brought about unexpected bonding. Between blacklight parties and club outings, we found a poorman's love. Second semester brought on something that may be more... may not be. Confusion, desparation, and willingness to settle clouded the vision of those in search for something bigger, but now the oh-so-heavy clouds seem to have parted. I think I may have fallen in love... I didn't think I could, I didn't think I would, but I think that I might have. Hearts can change. My can too. College life is more complicated than most imagine. We're messy, we're spontaneous, we're lazy, we're fun, we're beautiful, we're disasters.

Hope is a good thing. Perhaps the best of things. --Shawshank Redemption

It takes a little rain to make it grow...

[my music: Brand New ~ The Quiet Things That no one Ever Knows]

wow... what am i thinking lately? People tend to overcommit themselves to an idea before every actually thinking the situation through. Well I did just that. I always have. It seemed like an okay idea to get attached to... at the time. But what if that was the one thing that I was destined to lose before ever having? Could I see that if that were the case? Did I already? Maybe. Arg...

well today has been a good day thus far. The whole weekend has been to a certain extent. Somethings dont always work out the way that you wanted it to, or i should say expected it to. People show up when you want them to, but someone else may show up just moments later and make it seem like a least desireable situation. It is in these situations though that the unexpected gets revealed. Interesting. Times and situations got interesting Friday night when lame girls decided to make lame comments because I got it and they don't! And other sluts tried to hate on jess & I, but it was completely uncalled for. Whatevs. We had a fun time... The trip back to Quinny was... interesting for a lack of better terms. Upon arrival, a certain someone either didn't have their phone on, or didn't have service... which i thought was junk. It annoyed me. Not gonna lie. But it's all good cuz back at the room a visitor brought greatly appreciated laughs & convo. That translates to me getting 5 hours of sleep last night... damn! Today filming was fun... the video itself seemes good... shooting the BRoll was great. Who would have ever thought that being outside in the freezing rain shooting puddles, trees, the stream & patrick walking across the quad 500 times in the rain and ending with a funny face or "funny" comment about me, could be so much fun? I sure as hell didn't think it could be... but it was. and that's all that matters.

I long for summer... but I dont want this year to end...
much love i have for the people that i've shared my life with this year. I honestly do not know what my sophomore year would have been like without them... probably boring though.

a long time is a short time...

[my music: Gavin Degraw ~ Chariot]

Holy Random Encounter. I was in the women's bathroom in Tator Hall today, ya know washing my hands & minding my own business. Suddenly this tall girl says my name. I turn around and much to my shock who is it that is speaking to me? Kate. That's right. My roommate from first semester last year in Irma. Wow. Well we started talking, and she looks so different, but she's still the way that I had originally met her. It really made me miss her. We used to have so much fun together before Jenna moved out. There were so many jokes we had, so many late night talks, so many random things that we did and had so much fun doing them. It seems like first semester freshman year was so long ago, but talking to her today made me feel like it was yesterday.

Cassie, the wonder charm!!!

[my music: Finch ~ Awake]

So once again, I, along with Tara, Stini, Em, Jess, Court & our new random roomie can thank Cassie for being so damn lucky. Last year we beat the chances of getting a suite in Larson, Perlroth or Troup; and now this year we didn't really beat the chances of getting a rooming lottery number, but we sure as hell kicked ass in getting a sweet sweet number. Lucky number 7. That's right... out of the 78 groups that tried for 74 numbers, we got number freaking 7!!! Which actually translates to us getting whatever housing we want for next year. Holla what for a first floor Hill suite!!! YAY FOR PATIOS!!!!!! Unfortunately I'm not rooming with Stini :( but I do get to room with my lovely lovely Jess :D !!! We're stoked for that! We get air conditioning, a kitchen, a patio with grills & picnic tables just beyond them, we get sweet sweet barndoor style bathroom stall doors... ok. i guess that last one isn't so sweet. Whatevs, i get to stick with my loves & a pretty decent living arrangement.

Anywho... yeah, I had a good day... i have a test tomorrow that I didn't thoroughly study for, and i know that one of my loves didn't study at all cuz he didn't ask me for my book... right. Anywho, time for roomie bonding and then bed. I'M GONNA MISS YOU NEXT YEAR MICH!!!!

Confessions of a Scatter-brained Teenager

[my music: DMB ~ Ants Marching]

So, April is upon us again. My birthday is in less than a month... no more scatter-brained teenager after that!!!!! just a scatter-brained twenty-something!!! Oh well. These have been a good 7 years. Filled with love, loss, happiness, sadness. Well balanced. My birthday was supposed to be fun... we'll see now. May Weekend will never be the same here... the really wreckless ones (not like me and my friends who are elegantly wreckless) have destroyed the "holiday" here. The slobs, the drunkards (me and my friends are clearly not 0:D), have made the school worried and the town of Hamden hate us. Great.... Anywho... whatevs, we're still going to try to have a good time no matter what happens with the public behavior policies.

[my music: Reel Big Fish ~ Everything is cool]
Sooooo i heard that Carlos Mancia is coming to perform this may weekend here!!! I'm stoked. He's obnoxious and def politically incorrect, but he's HILARIOUS!!! Anywho... I have to go shopping. but i have no money, so that poses un slight problemo.... Oh well. I am psyched to work at Brighton this summer. Def gonna make some good mula plus I'm def gonna get some sweet sweet jewelry. Yeah I'm going to die every friday night after the camp week ends, but it's all good... i'll have enough money to actually enjoy London. Yet another thing that I am completely stoked for.... and on that note..

[my music: Something Corporate ~ Ruthless]
London is going to be amazing. I'm traveling across the Atlantic to a place of magic, mystery, literature and history. I can't wait to walk down the streets and just imagine the people that have walked down that street before me, the crimes that have been committed on that street, the kisses shared, the hearts broken, the masterpieces written, and the minds lost. No homework (besides reading, which i'll prob do before we leave), no tests, no quizzes. Just one essay (roughtly 10-15 pages) and a comprehensive journal of classnotes, daily journal entries, and notes on class trips and such. Not bad if you ask me. ps- Def gonna find myself a blazzzzzzzing English man!!!

[my music: Hot Hot Heat ~ Elevator]
I love quinnipiac in the spring. It is gorgeous here in the morning when the sun is just rising. The sunlight is just waking the trees up, waking the grass and the mountain. Walking back from my lab this morning, I fell in love with my school all over again. This is why I go to this school. yeah some people may bitch about this place, but I'd like to see you enjoy another place more than this one. The grass is always greener on the other side... but I'm content with the greenery over here. I don't need to wander in search of better things, when I find that what is here is perfect for me, for now.

ok... well i need to do some work for a class thats in 3 hours...
the world is looking ravishing today...

Let me see ya drip sweat...

[my music: Beenie Man ~ King of the Dancehall]

WICKED GOOD WEEKEND!!!
so after the laundry thing on wednesday my week and eventually the weekend just kept getting better and better. Thursday itself was rushed... a lot of work & junk but i decided to join the rest of the QU population and head to the 18+ party at Oracle. It was ridiculously packed so we went across to Alchemy which was ok. It was crowded & hot, but we still laughed and danced. Things got complicated after we left when we heard that Oracle was then free. Turned out Oracle wasn't free... and some of us didn't have any more money to get in there... but the others didn't get stamped to go back into Alchemy. Ridonculoussity at its finest. yes. i said ridonculousity. Anywho... the ride back home was interesting to say the least. I got to talk to TJ and get to know him a little better. All i have to say about that kid is sweet sweet tatoo. Nah... just playing, he's a nice kid. funny & cute. Well that was fun... Friday night was sick like i said in the last post. I had fun... so did most of the people around me. Em & I "kept up" with each other even when we weren't actually together. That was amusing. Saturday turned out to be the funniest night of my entire life. It was completely not the typical fun night of a college kid, but it was especially to 4 girls who just laughed about everything under the sun. It was also a good night cuz i got to see steph & Matty. I haven't seen steph in over a year and it was just good to see her again. I missed her, not gonna lie. weird. i know. but she is still a funny def one of a kind girl. But back to 4 crazy girls. it was 5 at the beginning of the night, which was equally hilarious, but by the end of the night there were 4 girls lying out on the grassy knoll that i am infatuated with. We played kings. We laughed at the word spatula. We never thought "whale" could be so damn funny. We played shadow tag. We played frisbee. I got kicked in the head. We layed outside until after 3 am and just laughed about everything. It was awesome. I love the weather these days. Today we went outside also and just layed around while there was a double header baseball game going on between us bobcats & Mount St. Mary's.

Life is beautiful.

My Name is Trouble...

[my music: Finch ~ Casket of a Roderic Usher]

Living the life of a young and wreckless college student has never tasted to sweet, smelled so delicious, or felt so good. First of all let's get it out in the open that Aretha Franklin is AWESOME! I got a huge ego boost last night at a party, which is always good. it was fun... stopped by a dorm party that had its own bouncer... could barely move or breathe, and some dumb girl spilled her jungle juice on my real expensive bag ::never a good thing >:O:: and had the most amazing tasting easy mac ever!! Before last night though I had a real good few days! wednesday hung around and had a real good time with the girls. Always fun, especially when fruit is brought out!! Then i got to see the 280 boys & Naughty cuz he's living with them next year... weird how that whole thing came about. but it's all good. Doing laundry at 2 am with patrick was the shizzz. I was laughing harder than I have in a real long time. Between the jokes, the voices, the irish jig, and the real skinny legs (which he ridiculously denies :P), it was one of the best laundry experiences ever!!!

but i have to run... cuz i'm going to go be young & impulsive a little more before i finish this update!!!