[my music: Flinch ~ Alanis Morissette]
I just wanted you to know that I fucking got better again after I cried over your weight. Again, I made myself believe everything could be fine because you told me it could be. Now I find myself crying myself to sleep.
All because of that question you asked...
Maybe it's because deep down I'm scared about ever seeing you again. I'm afraid to see you and, like I've done so many times before, feel nothing. I'm afraid that I'll still be willing to give up everything for you and you won't accept it.
Maybe it's because deep down I just want to run away from everything the last year did to me. I've always been the stupid girl who wishes she never laughed just so she didn't have to cry. Man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has. Lord it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all.
Maybe it's because the last year managed to make me believe that I had been lying for so long to so many people about so many things. I believed that before a year ago I wasn't alive. Even worse was that I told you I could live without you. I've said that before. The truth is, I could live, but the life without you is definitely different. Diminished.
Then again, maybe it's just this stupid book I discovered at work: "Post-Secret." Its filled with postcards people have sent to friends and family with their secrets on them. Pretty much they all make you feel horrible because there's always a personal secret of your's on any one of the pages. Then again, maybe it's just me who feels that way.
Either way, you're still the reason why I don't sleep.
We only influenced each other totally
We only bruised each other even more so
What are you, my blood?
